A Mother's Sacrifice: Celebrating My Hero

Growing up, I’ve heard plenty of women say that motherhood is a gift. I’ve also heard that motherhood comes with sacrifice, whether it be emotionally, mentally or physically. These are sacrifices that should be not just acknowledged but celebrated. It comes with grief, healing, and a new perspective on life one might not expect. Some may want to be a mom as soon as possible, others may wait because the idea of having kids can be repulsive until something shifts. 

My mom got into the motherhood game late, having me at 36 years old. My birth was traumatic for her and resulted in a lot of health complications, among other factors. She likes to joke that I “took all of her brain cells” because she began having bad short term memory loss after I was born. In fact, when I was diagnosed with autism when I was five, she took the blame, insisting that me getting stuck at birth was the reason I was neurodivergent. At least, until she did some research. Like me, she also has mental health problems like depression and anxiety. That’s not even counting the novella of physical health issues that she has. However, she somehow finds a way to power through it. Even on her worst days she never fails to show up. I feel bad that she goes through all that she does, but deep down, there’s a bigger truth: for what it’s worth, she’s a great mom. She’s one of my biggest inspirations and the closest family member I have. In fact, I sat her down and asked her a few questions. 

Here are her answers and my commentary:

What's a Moment From Your Life That Shaped Who You Are Today?

A: I think when I realized that I did not wanna be a nurse anymore and I quit nursing school. It kind of made me stop doing things to please other people because I was basically in nursing school for Grandma because she wanted me to become a nurse.

My mom was always a people pleaser growing up. She still is, to a fault. However, when she quit nursing school despite my grandmother’s feelings on the matter, it clicked that she could finally achieve something she wanted to do. She continues to work in a hospital, just not in a clinical setting. She worked in scheduling for decades in the same hospital before transitioning to scheduling in an orthodontist clinic. Now, she does pre-registration and she’s working with a great group of ladies.

Mom and I often had conversations alone about her past. I heard from her that my grandma was way less than pleased when she quit nursing school. Yelling and cussing, it was unlike her usual demeanor. It was unlike the grandma I knew. It felt unfair, even if grandma was just looking out for my mom. This was the grandma that worked at a small Burger King for up to four decades to make ends meet up until her cancer diagnosis. So hearing that my grandfather, who was always hard on my mom to get her life together, was the one to support my mom in her decision was a shocker. I’m glad that she quit nursing school because she knew her limits. She was scared she would hurt people because she was not great at math, and syringes of medicine needed exact amounts. She couldn’t do that. She was willing to risk her relationship with her mom to avoid hurting others. That’s an admirable quality.

What's Something You're Proud of That You Don't Really Get to Talk About?

A: I’m proud of how far you’ve come since you were a child. You had severe sensory processing disorder, you couldn’t be in school without your headphones, you wouldn’t be able to go into a lunchroom or assembly without running out, screaming, and crying. We couldn’t even sing happy birthday to you so I’m very proud of how far you’ve come in overcoming that, doing the therapy and taking the steps that you needed to in order to overcome it.

When I asked her this question, I tried to tell her to keep it as much about herself as possible. Yet, she kept saying she had nothing that she’s really proud of. Her compassion is something I’ve always found admirable about my mom. She takes the time to care for others. She’s hard on me to make something of myself, but I know it's because she wants me to be better off than she was when she was my age. She had given up, but she refuses to raise a quitter.

Everything she mentioned was true, though. My SPD was severe. So severe, in fact, that I physically couldn’t walk into a Walmart. I can shop there now, but it’s definitely not my first option. Anyways, even though she won’t give herself credit, I will. I mentioned that my birth was extremely traumatic for my mom. The postpartum depression that came after was terrible. She would look out the window to the cemetery next to my childhood home and say, “Today would be a great day to lay in there.” Yet, she knew that this was unhealthy. My grandparents chipped in. My mom admitted she needed help, and that’s something that’s hard for anyone to do, including me. If she hadn’t done that, who knows where she would be? I always tell her to give herself more credit because she has more strength than I ever had.

What's Something That You Wish You Had When You Were My Age?

A: Smartphones. That would’ve been lovely. We had to play outside until our moms called us. Actually, our mothers and fathers just told us to go outside and play and don’t come back until the streetlight came on. If we came back during the day, we got in trouble.

I insisted that she didn’t want this back then. If I hadn’t been raised on screens, I would much rather play outside until after dark. They had whole PSAs for parents to check on their kids by 10 PM, which I have seen. Yet, I see why she’d want this. The Internet is so convenient. Why not have everything at the push of a button? It could’ve solved so many dilemmas, like the debate on whether or not cigarettes were healthy for you. Alas, technology didn’t evolve as fast back then as it does now. Whether or not that’s good is subjective, but for my mom, it could’ve been a lot easier for a lot of things.

I named this piece A Mother’s Sacrifice for a reason. My mom has been through thick and thin. She’s gone through a physical, mental, and emotional hell in the 56 years she’s been on this Earth. In almost 20 years, she had a daughter, watched her become a man, and struggled through her own issues. I appreciate her for everything she’s done for me. She’s given everything for me and my dad. My grandparents are no longer alive to see all that she’s done, but they were there for so much of her life and mine. I think they would be so proud of her, just like I am. Hug your mother or mother figure as tightly as you can because you never know where life will take you. All I know for sure is that as long as my mom is in my mind, I will treasure her like it’s Mother’s Day every day.