Growing up in chaos

Not the quiet one

But the loud, scary kind

Showing you how to listen

Shifting in the air

Before something breaks

I saw real moods

Saw it like weather pattern

Bracing myself 

For the arrival of thunder

That never warned me

Before it hit me

Along the way

I saw the storm 

As comfort

I saw the lighting 

For comfort

I saw the trembling

For love

But when peace came

I didnt want it

The quietness felt weird

Calm felt like it was a trick

Trying to relearn 

What safety was

Instead of a crash of impact

But the soft ums

Of nothing going wrong

Still learning

That home

Isnt going to hurt

To feel familiar.

– E. J.